Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Hoi-Tea Toi-Tea

A good miniature is a sugar-plum, you say? I beg to differ. There's nothing worse than an over-sized grape soaked in chashni so long that it bloats up and threatens to explode and plaster you with a gummy, viscous envelope that would take days of scrubbing behind the ears just to eliminate the purple patches. A gulab jamun, on the other hand, now that's something to be proud of. Well, yes, it's true. We do call them gjams. I am ashamed.

Thank you for the upper berth, by the way. I intend to sleep lots. Just the end-of-term doze. Four times daily, on a full stomach. And you are from Britain? Liverpool? Wonderful. You're traveling alone? Ah, of course, you folks will never walk alone. This is your family, I take it? The Fab Four on holiday! You took a wrong turn at Greenland, I see. Cal is not so bad, though. Just desserts for someone like me.

Tea? No thank you. I'm a tea-totaler myself. Coffee's always bean my stuff. It's a hit with the chicory, I'm told! You Teabodies, think you're the bee's knees. Jeez! Pretend you can't wake up without a dozen or so cups of the insipid stuff - luke-warm, milky, sickly sweet. Those Bostonians had the right idea. Chuck the whole ruddy lot into the sea, if you ask me. And then throw the tea in as well.

---------- An Apology ------------

Peccavi! I have sinned. Three paragraphs down and no illustrations. Mea culpa, mea culpa, me a mexican cowboy! The bed of nails for me tonight.

For starters, a wonderful piece from the early Kautilya school of art. Note the bold brush strokes, the clever interplay of light and shadow, the imaginative use of the BRAIN at the bottom of the coffee mug!

And then there's the Art Nouveau. This one is called "Nude in Hot Water For Three Whistles, Just a Dash of Milk and No Sugar Please, The Missus is Watching".

--------------Where were we?-----------------

Ah yes, of course. Tea. The instrument of the Devil. The poison of the masses. The matter of sores. The findings of ear-cleaners. The bane of my life.

I'm done.

16 comments:

Yohan said...

Puntastic!

Consider me.
A lover of tea.
Actually,
I should show no glee.

But you see,
Naturally,
I bend the knee
For quality.

You shall make us want to to be better human beings if you keep this up! (Unless Mudboy scares you off, like he did to Sleel.)

Welcome.

moo said...

'Tis indeed a pity,
That, of all people, thee
Should be
A tea junkie.

But be that as it might be,
You obviously
Have fine taste and perspicacity
(Which reminds me,
Good stuff with the GRE!)
So basically,
Thanks aplenty.

Yours gratitudinally,
Murthy.

Vaibhav said...

How nice,
(especially the sugar slash spice)

Me, myself, and I
live on coffee and cigarettes (sigh)

for such are the days...
No friends, no time, no purple haze

The solitary ray of hope
for this sad ol' dope

is thy faraway prose,
though exceptionally morose

and mine, Of course...

Salil said...

so ma-moo-tea
you're alive I see.

I am doing
what you did last
mending and sewing
and undoing the past

you can't do this,
you can't do that.
what's your percentile?
show me,i'll show you mine.

You still have my bag harami. And I your tapes. Hehe.

To Yohan: Ahem.

Yohan said...

To Salil: When you say "Ahem", did you actually mean "Amen"?

Madhu and I shall always regret the chain of circumstances that lead to your ignominous exit from the sphere of illimitable expression.

Vaibhav said...

who made salil leave?? it was going fine.. with everyone online it was almost "almost as good"...

fix it, whoever is responsible...

howlizubzub said...

ME TOO ME TOO, to me, to me
moor-ty moor-ty, no tea for moo

and so explained my predicament is
and now drained resign shall I
alliteration mine too good is not
especially when i'm on the pot.

muahwhahahahahahsdhhahdfkjbasdilf aherv

*ahem* (mera number aaya hai!) good night moo. i think i shall sleep peaceful inspite of monty python

badada-da-da..anotheronebitesthedusT

Mighty said...

What's mooing these days?

Your wit is still sharp I see, like the edge of my sword.

Vaibhav said...

This quiet is disquieting...

The_UndeaD_ said...

Nerds...

moo said...

Nerds, he said,
A word, no more.
An ellipsis for emphasis
That's a triple word score.

So, finally, my silence is broken
For the revenge of the nerds is due
The monosyllablist shall eat his word,
For he has trouble digesting two.

Poetry is motion,
Or so the saying goes,
What it doesn't say, though,
Is that Prose Blows.
The one-worded variety, much worse.
Is the subject of many a curse.
So forgive me if I am terse,
Or if this degenerates to doggerel verse,
But, Madman, Up Yers!

Yohan said...

No appy polly logies to thee or thine
Thou caster away of rhyme-pearls before swine.
Take pity on those who use less than two words
And to whom punctuation is only for nerds.

The_UndeaD_ said...

Haha..I seem to have awoken some sort of Ghoulishness...oooh aaah...

Said the Clutterer to the Straight
We love our rhymes and puns and Mimes
Mess but not less
Tis but a matter of taste and times

Said the Straight to the Clutterer
Nigh but stuff of mean and End
Hear the eye,the soul and bone
Tis but a matter of substance and content

Yohan said...

In other words: Dweedle dweedle dweedle perp.

The_UndeaD_ said...

Is that the white mans way of farting?

The_UndeaD_ said...

His XLNC from XLRI is invited to a screening of "Harp of Lennon" Chapter 3 (*ing his XLNC himself) at

http://arbythea.blogspot.
com